College Entrance Essay

Final Draft

I started pacing around the park, a vulture circling the swings. “Where did he go?” I asked myself as I began to lay my ragdoll body on the ground. Suddenly, I heard a sound from the bushes on my right. I turned to look where the sound was coming from,  who or what made it. Under the light dim light of the crescent moon, I saw a mysterious figure rustling through the bushes, looking for something. Slowly, I pushed myself against the ground, trying to identify the creature. As I got up on my feet, my phone began to ring. Immediately, I began pulling my body down out of the creature’s line of sight, rolling under a damp and mossy bench, hugging my body tight, and begging for my life. 

“Hiss- Hiss,” the monster starts his approach towards the bench. Each step it takes is magnified by the sheer terror in my blood. It was as if I could feel the blood rushing through the veins around my body; each beat of my heart echoing into the ground. In a flash, the vulgar beast leaped right in front me, landing not two feet away from my heart. As it stood there breathing, all that I could do was shiver. My eyes were shut so tight, it was almost as if they were mended together. In my head, I counted every second, begging for my life. The beast clutched the very edge of the bench. As close as one second is to another, it was practically on top of me. It was so close in fact, that I could smell the grass and dirt on the soles of its shoes. Surprisingly, it wore shoes. The Nike Zoom Pegasus 35s, the pair that my father bought last week. In a desperate albeit extremely foolish attempt to connect with the beast, now just a man with the same shoes as my father, I grabbed on to its shoes. A dysfunctional claw machine, my hand grabbed on to the Pegasus. In an instant, it pulled its feet away from my hand attached to its shoes; dragging me out into the light, but ultimately falling over on the ground behind him. From beneath the bench, I saw the mysterious person’s face. A face of pure confusion and surprise. The monster was no longer a mysterious face, but a familiar one. Out of the shadows of the swings, my father, dressed in dark attire, stepped out, his face showered with the moonlight.

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Draft 2

I started pacing around the park, a vulture circling the swings. “Where did he go?” I asked myself as I began to lay my rag doll body on the ground. Suddenly, I heard a sound from the bushes on my right. I turned to look where the sound was coming from,  who or what made it. Under the light dim light of the crescent moon, I saw a mysterious figure rustling through the bushes, looking for something. Slowly, I pushed myself against the ground, trying to identify the creature. As I got up on my feet, my phone began to ring. Immediately, I began pulling my body down out of the creature’s line of sight, rolling under a damp and mossy bench, hugging my body tight, and begging for my life. 

“Hiss- Hiss,” the monster starts his approach towards the bench. Each step it takes is magnified by the sheer terror in my blood. It was as if I could feel the blood rushing through the veins around my body; each beat of my heart echoing into the ground. In a flash, the vulgar beast leaped right in front me, landing not two feet away from my heart. As it stood there breathing, all that I could do was shiver. My eyes were shut so tight, it was almost as if they were mended together. In my head, I counted every second, begging for my life. The beast clutched the very edge of the bench. As close as one second is to another, it was practically on top of me. It was so close in fact, that I could smell the grass and dirt on the soles of its shoes. Surprisingly, it wore shoes. The Nike Zoom Pegasus 35s, the pair that my father bought last week. In a desperate albeit extremely foolish attempt to connect with the beast, now just a man with the same shoes as my father, I grabbed on to its shoes. A dysfunctional claw machine, my hand grabbed on to the Ppegasus. In an instant, it pulled its feet away from my hand attached to its shoes; dragging me out into the light, but ultimately falling over on the ground behind him. From beneath the bench, I saw the mysterious person’s face. A face of pure confusion and surprise. The monster was no longer a mysterious face,. but a familiar one. Out of the shadows of the swings, my father, dressed in dark attire, stepped out,; his face showered with the moonlight.

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Draft 1

It had been half an hour since my father left me here in the park all alone. I started pacing around the park, a vulture circling the swings. “Where did he go?” I asked myself as I began to lay my ragdoll body on the ground. Suddenly, I heard a sound from the bushes on my right. I turned to look where the sound was coming from. Who or what made it. Under the light dim light of the crescent moon, I saw a mysterious figure rustling through the bushes, looking for something. Slowly, I pushed myself against the ground, trying to identify the creature. As I got up on my feet, my phone began to ring. Immediately, I began pulling my body down out of the creature’s line of sight, rolling under a damp and mossy bench, hugging my body tight, and begging for my life. “Hiss- Hiss,” the monster starts his approach towards the bench. Each step it takes is magnified by the sheer terror in my blood. It was as if I could feel the blood rushing through the veins around my body; each beat of my heart echoing into the ground. In a flash, the vulgar beast leaped right in front me, landing not two feet away from my heart. As it stood there breathing, all that I could do was shiver. My eyes were shut so tight, it was almost as if they were mended together. In my head, I counted every second, begging for my life. The beast clutched the very edge of the bench. As close as one second is to another, it was practically on top of me. It was so close in fact, that I could smell the grass and dirt on the soles of its shoes. Surprisingly, it wore shoes. The Nike Zoom Pegasus 35s, the pair that my father bought last week. In a desperate albeit extremely foolish attempt to connect with the beast, now just a man with the same shoes as my father, I grabbed on to its shoes. A dysfunctional claw machine, my hand grabbed on to the pegasus. In an instant, it pulled its feet away from my hand attached to its shoes; dragging me out into the light, but ultimately falling over on the ground behind him. From beneath the bench, I saw the mysterious person’s face. A face of pure confusion and surprise. The monster was no longer a mysterious face. but a familiar one. Out of the shadows of the swings, my father, dressed in dark attire, peeks out; his face showered in the moonlight.

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