Ashley Madison

Final Draft

As Ashley Madison climbed up the stairs, blitzing past all of the various floors of International Catholic School, the school she had attended since grade one, she had one goal in mind – to not get another tardy. There are only two things that Ashely is afraid of, detentions and Mr. Grindur. Since she was in seventh grade, tardies stack up, and if you get above a specific number of tardies, you would receive a detention. It was by cruel fate that she would unceremoniously receive her first detention at the hands of the dreaded Mr. Grindur, a man so strict and uncompassionate that no one in her class thought of him as their teacher, but instead, they referred to him as the watcher, a fictional character from the Marvel Universe who possesses an abnormally bulbous head accompanied by disproportionate eyes. “What am I going to tell Mr. Grindur when I get to class?” Ashley thought as she arrived on the fifth floor, her knees aching from the vast amount of stairs she had just climbed. In spite of this, she still managed to sprint down the hallway. 

As she began to run, the sound of her steps attracted the attention of the teachers on the fifth floor. Some of them hurried out of their rooms, exclaiming “Slow down, Ashley! You’re going to get hurt!” Ashley ignored them and carried on, blitzing past all of them, for she feared Mr. Grindur more than anyone in the world, let alone the other teachers. As she arrived at the door of her classroom, still short of breath from the rigorous amount of exercise she had just performed, she slowly but confidently reached down for the doorknob. Without warning, the door swung open almost as if it weighed as much as a feather. In a blink of an eye, Ashley went from staring at the motionless doorknob to staring at the wooden frame of the door as it hit her square on the nose. Ashley, who was once standing next to the door, was now on the ground, gripping her nose for what seemed like an eternity. 

The recently cleaned floor resembled more of a surgical suite than a school, a sight that Ashley would likely soon be too accustomed to, which was made all the more unfortunate as she had barely entered the seventh grade. Her blood stricken hands covered what was now a faint memory of the nose she once possessed, which was revealed when her hands parted; A viciously gory blood-covered nose that could’ve easily been misidentified as an extra set of lips. Ashley proceeded to get up on her feet, which at the time thought like a reasonably sound idea, but in reality, was as foolish as they come. Immediately slipping on the blood that she had just lost, Ashley came hurtling back towards the ground from which she came. “What a mess, Ashley. How do you expect me to clean this up?” The voice coming from behind the door mocked Ashley for her idealistic nature and her foolish immature mind. “Why are you late? It’s the third time this week” The man said as the blood reached his shoes, tainting them. As the blood on the ground spread further and further from where Ashley was situated, the man’s shadow became more and more apparent and so did his footsteps, which were amplified by the layer of Ashley’s blood on the sole his brand new shiny Gucci leather shoes. It might’ve been because of all the blood she had lost or it could’ve been brain damage from the collision with the door, but Ashley began to lose her ability to hear. First, it was the man’s voice, then his footsteps. Soon, all that Ashley could hear was the faint sound of the blood dripping from her nose into the puddle of blood before her; a never-ending pattern of drip after drip that enshrouded and ultimately became Ashley’s existence. Her 23 classmates came rushing out of the classroom, examining the door for what had made that thunderous sound. “Look!” One of them pointed out. Three meters away from the door, there, only moments after the crushing bang, laid Ashley, dead as a door nail.  


Draft 1

As Ashley Madison climbed up the stairs, blitzing past all of the various floors of International Catholic School, the school she had attended since grade one, she had one goal in mind, to not get another tardy. The only two things Ashely is scared of is Ashley is only afraid of only two things in life, Mr. LeGov and detentions. Since she was in seventh grade, tardies stack up, and if you get above a specific number of them, you receive a detention. How It was by cruel fate is that she would unceremoniously finally receive her first detention at the hands of the dreaded Mr. LeGgov, a man so strict and uncompassionate that no one in her class thought of him as their teacher. Instead, they referred to him as the watcher, a fictional character from the Marvel Universe who possesses an abnormally bulbous head accompanied by disproportionate eyes. “What am I going to tell Mr. LeGov when I get to class?” Ashley thought as she arrived on the fifth floor, her knees aching from the vast amount of stairs she had just scaled. In spite of this, she still managed to sprint down the hallway. As she began to run, the sound of her steps attracted the attention of the teachers on that floor. Some of them came out, exclaiming “Slow down, Ashley! You’re going to get hurt!” Ashley ignored them and carried on at the speed of light, for she feared Mr. LeGov more than anyone in the world, let alone anyone on the fifth floor of her school. As she arrived at the door of her classroom, still short of breath from the rigorous amount of exercise she had just performed, she slowly but confidently reached down for the doorknob. Without warning, the door swung open almost as if it weighed as much as a feather. In a blink of an eye, Ashley went from staring at the doorknob to staring at the wooden frame of the door as it hit her square on the nose. Ashley, who was once standing next to the door, was on the ground, gripping her nose for what seemed like an eternity. The recently cleaned floor resembled more of a surgical suite than a school, a sight that Ashley would likely too accustomed to, especially a girl who wasn’t even a highschooler. Her blood stricken hands covered what was now a faint memory of the nose she once possessed which was revealed when her hands parted; A viciously gory blood-covered nose that could’ve easily misidentified as an extra set of lips. Ashley proceeded to get up on her feet, which at the time thought like a reasonably sound idea, but in reality, was as foolish as they come. Immediately slipping on the blood which she had just lost, Ashley came hurtling back towards the ground from which she came. “What a mess, Ashley. How do you expect me to clean this up?” The voice coming from behind the door was almost mocking Ashley and how foolish she was. “Why are you late? It’s the third time this week” The man said as the blood reached his shoes, most likely tainting them. As the blood on the ground spread further and further from where Ashley was situated, the man’s shadow became more and more apparent and so did his footsteps, which were amplified by the layer of Ashley’s blood on his shiny Gucci leather shoes which were stained with her blood. It might’ve been because of all the blood she had lost or it could’ve been brain damage from the impact but Ashley began to lose her ability to hear. First, it was the man’s voice, then his footsteps. Soon, all that remained was the blood from Ashley’s nose, dripping and dripping into the puddle of blood before her; a never-ending pattern of drip after drip that enshrouded and ultimately became Ashley’s existence. “Bang!” The dripping had stopped and Ashley was at peace. Her 23 classmates came rushing out of the classroom, examining the door for what had made that thunderous sound. “Look!” One of them pointed out. Around three meters away from the door, there, only moments after the crushing bang, laid Ashley, dead as a doornail.  


Brainstorming:

  • Storytime with mommy and son
  • Rainy night in manhattan
  • Ashley and Mr. LeGov

  1. cobiecheung's avatar

    Hi Natte, your descriptive writing made my stomach grumble. Thank you for specifying who you and your friend are at…

  2. tianneyung's avatar
  3. tianneyung's avatar

    i remember that picture from 9th grade. I think brian and you were in my team and you guys made…

  4. Nathan Daniel Lau's avatar
  5. ma1501's avatar

    It is really interesting how you composed your article, I really like the way you put in the quote, but…

3 thoughts on “Ashley Madison

  1. I really enjoyed this story, it was definitely a twist at the end and really showcased your fantastic usage of descriptors. Your writing was rich with details, and adjectives, especially regarding the scene. Although it was quite gory, I believe that added a lot of value to your writing, and it made me shiver at such an idea of a face being morphed like that. I love all of the workup at the start talking about how scary of a person Mr.Legov was. Since I had in my mind that the twist would have to do with Mr. Legov and then you hit me with another twist when you talked about how she bloodied her nose smacking straight into the door. Your writing was rich in detail, and you have strong mastery over creating a creative story.

    Like

  2. Your twist story had me on the edge of my seat! I definitely was not expecting that ending. I was expecting something to happen, however, when I got to the end, it hit me. Just like the door hit Ashley haha. Overall, I really liked the story because the buildup was impeccable and had me wondering hard what was about to happen. Good job keeping the reader in suspense!

    Like

  3. Maybe I’m missing something, but I didn’t see any twist ending. She hits her face and bleeds to death. Maybe it should have been Mr. Grindur who died from an allergic reaction to Ashley’s blood. Or having them clean up the fake blood on the set?

    Like

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